The 2009 Clown Awards
Posted by sanityinjection on December 30, 2009
As the year winds to a close, I thought I would present the 1st Annual Sanity Injection Clown Awards to the public figures who have behaved like the biggest clowns in 2009:
Scary Clown: The Scary Clown Award goes to Venezuela’s Thug-In-Chief, Hugo Chavez. While Chavez’ antics may seem ridiculous from afar, they are a very serious thing indeed if you live in Venezuela or one of its neighbors. Between periodic claims that the US and Colombia are planning to attack, and gradually stripping Venezuelans of their judicial, speech, assembly and property rights, there’s never a dull moment with Chavez the Clown. Unfortunately, it’s only a matter of time before the audience at this circus is not allowed to leave.
Embarrassed Clown: The Embarrassed Clown award goes to South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Sanford the Clown couldn’t just have a simple extramarital affair like a normal politican. He had to have one on another *continent*, and compounded his mistake by not trusting any of his staff with the truth so they could cover for him. This is one of those circus acts where you just cover your face with your hands rather than watch.
Too Many Balls In The Air at Once: This award goes to Tiger Woods – and I’m not talking about golf balls. Woods’ stupidity lies in not in his decision to screw every bimbo in the Western Hemisphere, but in his decision to get married in the first place. Had he remained single, Woods’ busy sex life would never have been an issue. Now he’s managed to alienate his fellow golfers and some of his sponsors. As a result, the Tiger Woods Show will be taking an extended hiatus – sorry circus-goers, no refunds.
Chatterbox Clown: Was there any doubt this award would go to Vice President Joe Biden? Almost every month the White House has had to do damage control because of Biden the Clown’s inability to keep his mouth shut. Biden’s eruptions wouldn’t be such a concern if he wasn’t so frequently on a different page than the official White House positions. Nevrtheless, the Biden circus never fails to entertain the audience.
Sad Clown: It wasn’t long before Richard Heene’s tears proved to be the tears of a clown, when it was discovered that he and his wife’s anguish over the supposed dangerous balloon ride of their son Falcon turned out to be a faked stunt designed to secure the Heenes a place on reality TV. The real tears should be shed for Falcon, both for having to be raised by parents with such warped values, and for having been named “Falcon”. The best thing about the Heene Circus is that it is over.
Angry Clown: I have to go with Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei on this one. Although Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is arguably as much or more of a clown, and the one who got Khamenei in trouble to begin with, Khamenei’s angry rants are truly clownish in their obvious attempts to blame everything from torture and killings of protesters to the regime’s dogged pursuit of nuclear weapons on the US and Israel. Has anyone ever seen this guy smile or say anything nice about anybody? Furthermore, Angry Clown’s behavior has alienated more and more of Iran’s Muslim clerics, on whom he ultimately depends for the legitimacy of his rule. What once looked like a routine political protest could now well be heading for full-fledged civil war.
Finally, I apologize for the startling omission of Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA). Since this blog adheres to general standards of acceptable language, I am not at liberty to write exactly what type of clown I believe Congressman Frank to be, though if you are familiar with the Congressman, you can probably guess – it begins with the letter “a”.